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I don’t know if this process just got easier or harder.
Money sucks. I just wanna create. Everyone is asking for dollars now that they know I have them but the budget is maxed out and I am starting to go out of pocket.
Ugh. It also feels like an unclimbable mountain. I guess the only thing to do is just pull out a calculator and starting chipping away at this once I figure out where to start. I guess that is where I start…
I swear, bro. Just give me the rock and watch.
All I need is that point of contact and a green light and the Think Tank will knock your socks off. Call it “ambitious” if you want, because it is. But believe it or not just green light it and let me go because I’m not that interested in you saying that the way we say it will happen is impossible.
In my over alerted observance of vices and my needs for them I noticed that despite how stressful today was, I accomplished the following:
I replaced them with a ton of gluten and football while I ate a giant bowl of Strawberry Frosted Mini Wheats in front of the MNF game I recorded.
Since picking up basketball again it’s been insanely easier to stay on top of my desire to eliminate dependence on vices. Basketball is that vice now. I gotta play two or three nights a week or I get antsy. That or see my girl an equal amount. But watching, feeling, and hearing that ball go through the net is a beautiful meditation. It washes all stress away. It’s religious almost.
Anyway these are just my quarter-life observations. I’m going to bed now to get up and get back to pounding the pavement on this coffee show. Details soon.
Empty house with a massive party upstairs while I’m chugging away in my room alone makes me think.
I know I will work myself to death.
It was written in the stars for me long ago. I enjoy the hell out of it and put every bit of me into it pretty often.
But I gotta remember that I don’t need to do it just yet.
Balance is tough for me but if I can figure it out I can work myself to a much later death.
I’m going to make it without smoking anything, drinking alcohol, soda, or caffeine, spending money, playing video games, and any kind of intimacy today. Just art.
It’s crazy how many vices artists can find to distract themselves from just creating.
I feel like if this August show sells, I will be creating the best art shows and parties in all of Los Angeles within two years.
With the help of collaborators of course; and those collaborators are going to blow my mind even more than the geniuses I get to know now.
I feel like one thing at which I have been very bad, and which I have learned only recently that I need to change, has been my differentiation between the concepts of ideas and ideologies.
Ideas should be challenged over and over again. Ideologies should be challenged, but more in the constant challenges of the ideas that build them. People that do hella drugs, for example, challenge their ideologies so often that they don’t have the time to act on their ideas, much less challenge them well enough to produce something worthwhile.
I like to have my ideas challenged. When I finish an art piece, project of any kind, or develop a new thought, I always ask my friends and those whose opinions I most respect what sucks most about it. Eventually I get around to what they like about it, but much more valuable is the things that irk them, so I can find out how to better build my bridge between my audience and my original ideas. Thinking of my ideas and acting them out is easy - they’re in my head already and I can just express them. Getting them to connect and making sure my message is as pure or effective as possible is the hard part.
What I have noticed has negatively affected my life has been the constant challenging of my ideologies. Yes, I should challenge these as well from time to time. I don’t want to grow close-minded, stagnant, or behind-the-times, especially not in my field. But when I hang out with people that do a lot of mushrooms, acid, or other self-reflective drug, I find myself engaged in a lot of conversations about how things should be, with a lot less time to actually try to make them that way. And if I find myself losing that time just for talking to them, I can only imagine the lack of efficiency and productivity that plagues their lives. Some people do these drugs well and get a lot done in spite or even because of it; but at some point, you have to just trust yourself and go for it, if for no other reason than that there’s not enough time to live a life of daily reframing ideologies.
I used to think surrounding yourself with people of similar ideology was less just, righteous, and courageous than surrounding yourself with those who would challenge or outright disagree in that regard. I now think that you should have a couple such folks around, but mainly have people that agree on a general strategy for navigation and disagree on many, many points in the tactics of such a trip through life and through art, and are willing to be vocal and pure about these disagreements.
Can’t say I don’t deserve it; I’ve ran through plenty of women and tap danced on plenty of hearts in my day, and I’m really starting to understand what it means to truly be honest as a lover. I’ve always been open with every woman I’ve encountered; I guess being honest is something else and it starts internally.Took an observation from the other side of the fence to learn that lesson I suppose.
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